Dying to be Myself
An extraordinary story about end-stage cancer, near-death experience & quantum healing
When I was in the NDE state, it felt like I had woken up to a different reality. It felt like I had awoken from the “illusion” of life, and from that perspective, it looked like my physical life was just a culmination of my thoughts and beliefs up to that point. It felt like the whole world was just a culmination of mass consciousness—the culmination of everyone’s thoughts and beliefs. It felt like nothing was actually real, but we made it real with our beliefs. I understood that even my cancer was not real, it was also part of the illusion, so if I went back to my body, I would not have the cancer any more.
♦ Another thing is that there was this incredible understanding of how we are all interconnected. And how what I felt within me affects my whole universe. It felt like the whole universe is within me. As far as I am concerned, if I am happy, the universe is happy. If I love myself, everyone else will love me. If I am at peace, the whole universe is peaceful.
♦ There is no such thing as time and space in that dimension. It felt like everything was happening simultaneously. I saw what could be interpreted as past lives, I saw what was happening currently (my brother on the plane, and conversations between my family members and doctors), and I also saw the future of this life pan out. But it was as if they were all happening at once, and I was living them all at once. Only after coming back, does my mind have to process it as happening in linear time, but in that dimension, it didn’t feel that way at all. Distance and solid walls did not stop me from seeing and hearing everything that pertained to me at that time. So now, back into 3D life, it feels like even solid walls and distance only exist because we decide or believe them to exist.
♦ My view of the world has totally blown apart. Over these months, I have had doctors telling me, over and over, that what happened to me is completely unexplainable. Medically, it should not be possible. They can’t figure out where the billions of cancer cells went in just a matter of days. Medically, every way they look at it, I should have died. My organs were shut down. Either the cancer should have killed me, the drugs should have killed me, or the billions of cancer cells trying to leave, flooding my shut-down system, should have killed me. In view of what physically happened to me, I am no longer able to see any physical disability in the same light anymore! Where, in my own mind, would I draw the line between what is “fixable” or “curable” and what is not? By what scale or logic would I draw these conclusions from? Certainly not from what is “medically” possible! I can’t apply that to my life anymore. The word “impossible” has no meaning to me anymore. I look at everything in our reality, including things like illness and aging, so differently. I challenge anything that is considered “natural” or “normal”. To me now, everything feels like human construct – that is, just another product of personal and mass belief. Having had the experience I have, it feels like nothing is real, but every single possibility exists. I now live my life knowing that I can create my own reality based on the new truths I learned.
♦ My NDE caused a huge, internal consciousness shift within me. Seeing through the illusion was a big part of it, feeling connected to the entire universe was another part, and becoming aware of being flooded in an all-encompassing, loving, energy was also another factor. This was an energy of unconditional love – an energy that does not discriminate or judge. This universal energy is there for us no matter who or what we are. It was in this very awake state that I made the decision to come back into life. It was one powerful decision to come back and experience life in this body again. You see, as soon as the choice to live or die was presented to me, I knew that once I made the decision, nothing outside of myself could kill me. Nothing. Just the fact that I was presented with the choice and that I had made it real. And as soon as I made the decision, every single cell in my body responded to that decision, and I healed almost immediately. My higher self/soul/spirit/connection to all that is, whatever you want to call it, that part of me had decided to continue to live through this body, and nothing in this physical 3D world could affect that decision. It felt like any decision made from the real reality far outweighs anything in this “illusion”.
♦ I strongly believe it is something that can be attained by others. I certainly don’t feel special, or chosen or anything like that, in any way. Perhaps one just needs to be at the right “place” psychologically in their physical lives for something like this to happen. It can certainly look like this is just a random event that happened to me. But bear in mind that I had cancer for nearly 4 years. During those four years, I changed dramatically. Living with terminal cancer at a reasonably young age and watching yourself deteriorate changes you and your perspective on life. Those years “prepped” me for exactly the type of death experience that I had. I don’t know if I would have been emotionally mature enough to handle such a shift if it happened sooner, without all the emotional and psychological “clearing” that took place within me from living with cancer for years. I had reached a place in my life that “allowed” this shift to happen. The NDE gave me that last “push” that I needed, to see beyond the illusion. Once I saw that the body is not the real me, and that the cancer was also just an illusion, I was then able to see how loved I am, and I recognized my own magnificence, and once I made the decision to live, the physical body only reflected this “new found” state.
♦ Everything exists simultaneously in this universe, the positive as well as negativity. There is poverty, there is wealth, there is sickness, there is health, there is love, and there is hatred and fear, and there is happiness and there is despair, and so on. And there is not more negative than positive. It’s just because we choose to see the world in this way, that it feels like there is more negative… I believe that this reality is created by mass consciousness. That’s what I felt I broke through, during my NDE. Each of us as individuals always has the choice to choose what we want to see and believe as reality.
♦ If I can love myself and not judge myself, and see my own perfection, then I will automatically see all these in others! And the more I love myself, the more love I will have for others. It’s not possible to love another more than you love yourself. Contrary to popular belief that it’s selfish to love yourself, we cannot give what we do not have.
No matter where you are, it is only the culmination of your thoughts and beliefs up to that point. And you can change it. I reversed my cancer at the 11th hour. Even when the doctors said it was too late, it was still not too late. So the first thing is to realize that it is never too late to do something, or change anything. It’s important to see the power that the present moment holds in turning our life around.
I am not advocating “thinking positive” in a Pollyanna-ish sort of way. “Thinking positive” can be tiring, and to some people it can mean “suppressing” the negative stuff that happens. And it ends up being more draining. I am talking about my own mental dialogue to myself. What am I telling myself, day in and day out inside my head? I feel it¹s so very important not to have judgment and fear in my own mental dialogues to myself. When our own inner dialogue is telling us we are safe, unconditionally loved, accepted, we radiate this energy outwards and change our external world accordingly. I also think it is very important to see perfection in the moment. The present moment is very powerful. Each moment holds promise, and each moment can be a turning point for the rest of your life.
On 2nd February 2006, Anita Moorjani was admitted to hospital in a coma, on the point of death from end-stage lymphoma. Her inner experience of this near-death state was of entering a quantum dimension of enormous clarity. In it she reached a comprehensive understanding of her life and purpose, as well as an extraordinary healing.